Thanksgiving is always a rough time of year, with the holiday stress in full bloom as well as family, alcohol , and baggage on display. This year is especially tough with the upcoming downfall of the western world and the contentious results of the election. To help you enjoy your mashed potatoes and avoid open warfare over the pumpkin pie, we’ve delved deep into the realm of psychology to help you learn how to navigate the choppy waters of talking with your family during this time of turmoil and strife. With a simple mix of conversational tap-dancing, a little verbal judo , and some street smarts, you can turn your Thanksgiving into a fun family bonding event, rather than a remake of the Red Wedding . Here’s 12 tips and tricks to make your Turkey Day a happy one.
Know Thyself
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First and foremost, you need to be aware of your own reactions. If you’re hurt and angry about any particular topics, then the issue isn’t with other people, it’s with you. Be aware of your own attitudes and predilections so you don’t erupt at anyone who has different ideas from you. Managing your feelings is the first step to managing a quality conversation that doesn’t become toxic.
Defuse the Bomb
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Make a pact with your family in advance for everyone to avoid hot-button topics. Be the voice of diplomacy and reason. Begin by saying that you aren’t going to touch anything you know might upset anyone, leading by example. Odds are good that no one really wants to start a brawl while there’s stuffing to be had. Getting an agreement from everyone in advance to leave the dangerous stuff alone and stick to personal matters is an ounce of prevention that keeps the body count down.
Listen
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Hostage negotiators advise building a bond with people before trying to persuade them to do anything. That means hearing what they have to say, free of judgement or reaction. Allowing them to speak costs you nothing, and allows you to hear their point of view. “I see” and “That’s interesting” are far better responses than offering up your own arguments. A person who feels heard doesn’t need to belabor their point, and will pipe down much sooner than someone who feels defensive because their outlook is not being respected.
Ask Questions
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In addition to listening, make a point of learning the answers to questions you have about the perspective of others. Don’t assume you know what they are thinking. Talk about the future and how they see things working out. It never hurts to learn something. You can have opinions about their insanity later. During family time you don’t need to carve them up. You do not persuade by argument, you persuade by engaging in dialog and rational discussion.
Beware The Dark Side
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This is a psychological fact that is often forgotten: Anger is a secondary emotion . It comes as a response to fear, pain, or frustration. As Yoda said in a Star Wars film that is otherwise best left forgotten: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Right now, many people are feeling hurt and frightened, and they’re reacting in a human way: With anger. That doesn’t mean you need to meet that with more anger, which just feeds the fire.
Consider Motives
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Before you react to an inflammatory statement, consider why they’re saying or doing what they are. They have reasons, however boneheaded, and if you can see those, you’re halfway to finding a solution. Knowing why they’re saying or doing a particular thing allows you to more easily address their feelings, rather than their words or actions. “I understand you’re upset, and that’s tough. There’s nothing we can do about it.” or a similar statement of empathy is helpful for showing you get where they’re coming from.
Seek Common Ground
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People can all find something they agree upon, even if it’s being afraid that their nation is rotting from the inside out. By thinking about their motives you can relate them to your own experience. Or, alter the topic to something you do agree upon: At least you don’t live in Syria.
Acceptance is Not Agreement
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Knowing that you can accept a point of view while not advocating it will help keep your powder dry. Think of anyone who disagrees with you as a small child who is confused. This will help you forgive their point of view as merely being ignorant, but still important to them. You hopefully wouldn’t berate a child for being a little off base, so don’t do it to your other, older, misguided relations.
Deflect
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“I understand but don’t agree.” is a statement of your position that doesn’t tell the other party they are wrong, but rather that you personally don’t agree. Then you can move over to how nice it is to live in a nation where people can disagree openly without fear of retribution. Everyone with an opinion can agree that’s a good thing. If that doesn’t work, patently change the subject.
Stage a Walk Out
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This can be done two ways. If the discussion is getting heated or taking a path you don’t like, it’s time to end the charade and go elsewhere. Start doing dishes, go play with the kids, or load up your plate and eat in the other room if possible. Take a walk to burn some of those calories.
You can also take an angry (or perhaps drunk and belligerent) party out and away from others by getting them to go with you. Get them secluded and then let them vent, showing them understanding and compassion. They can get the vitriol out of their system, you merely have to listen, and then you can return to the table and dig into that damn pecan pie and die of heart disease like an American should.
Change The Subject
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If nothing else works, continually change the subject and engage the other people at the table who are uncomfortable, since they’re often the majority. Here’s a few simple suggestions for topics that are nice and neutral:
- Books or movies
- What is everyone thankful for
- Ask someone about work/retirement
- Discuss New Year’s resolutions
- Talk Christmas Plans
- Apps
- New things you’re excited about
- Podcast suggestions
- Restaurant suggestions
- Food
- Home repair suggestions
- Ask for advice (on anything). You can easily ignore it, but it changes the subject.
- Health issues
- Gilmore Girls
- Black Friday(!)
Be Grateful
via onereason.org
You’ve got food, family, and a warm place to be. Now shut up and eat.
A flying house, a talking dog, and an opening sequence that’s guaranteed to make you cry — Up is one of Disney’s most beloved 3D animated films. We’ve decided to revisit this enchanting tale by creating a list of iconic and inspiring Up quotes.
viaIMDB
Unlike other Disney movies, Up opens with a bittersweet portrait of life.
Up Takes the Boring Stuff and Shows Us How Great Life Can Be
Carl Fredricksen and Ellie are two budding adventurers who want to follow in the footsteps of their childhood hero, the disgraced explorer Charles Muntz.
Despite their big dreams, what follows is a montage that still manages to make us cry today. Carl and Ellie marry, build a house, and grow old together, never once going on an adventure to South America .
Eventually, Ellie passes away and Carl Fredricksen is left alone. He becomes a grumpy, lonely old man as his neighborhood turns into skyscrapers and apartment blocks. He later meets (and promptly rebuffs) Russell, a boy scout seeking his Assisting the Elderly badge.
They become an odd duo when Carl decides to fulfill his promise to his late wife and see Paradise Falls. He inflates balloons ( 20,622 to be exact! ) and flies his house to South America, unknowingly bringing along Russell. What unfolds is a touching story about love, adventure, and grief.
Although it’s been over a decade since its release, there’s still a lot we can learn from this Pixar classic. Since one of its themes is about chasing dreams, we’ve decided to create a list of the best Up movie quotes to inspire the adventurer inside all of us!
(If you’re on a Disney nostalgia kick by the end of this, you can also check out our favorite Hocus Pocus quotes and our ranking of the best High School Musical songs !)
10 Greatest Adventure Quotes from Up
viaDisney Fandom
Up may have all traditional Pixar fixings, but what sets it apart from other films is its unconventional take on the adventure genre.
As dangers unfold in an exotic wonderland , Up stitches an unlikely trio together: A crotchety old man, a boy scout who needs a role model, and a loveable talking dog (who recently got his own short series).
The three couldn’t be further from Indiana Jones, yet together, they beat the odds.
Let’s look back on the film’s greatest moments with our favorite Up quotes:
“Adventure is out there!” – Charles Muntz’s famous tagline
“Don’t you know this is an exclusive club? Only explorers get in here. Not just any kid off the street with a helmet and a pair of goggles. Do you think you got what it takes? Well, do you?” – Young Ellie when she first meets Carl Fredricksen, her future husband
“Paradise Falls, a land lost in time. I ripped this right out of a library book. I’m gonna move my clubhouse there, and park it right next to the falls. Who knows what lives up there?” – Ellie on her lifelong dream, the driving force for Carl’s actions in the film
“A Wilderness Explorer is a friend to all, be it a plant or fish or tiny mole!” – Russell
“I can’t do it” – Russell before climbing a dangerous rope, proving that he can
“You know Carl, these people who come here, they all tell pretty good stories. A surveyor making a map, a botanist cataloging plants, an old man taking his house to Paradise Falls. And that’s the best one yet. I can’t wait to hear how it ends.” – Charles Muntz
“The wilderness must be explored! CA, CA! RAWRR.” – Russell showing off his call sign as a Wilderness Explorer scout
“Imagine all the wonderful things that will never happen if you do not let them.” – Ellie
“You and me, we are in a club now. I saw where your balloon went. Come on, let’s go get it.” – Ellie to Carl Fredricksen right before they set off on their greatest adventure together (marriage)
“Thanks for the adventure—now go have a new one!” – Ellie in her final message to her husband
10 of the Most Romantic Up Quotes
viaScottDistillery
Throughout the film, we never doubt Carl Fredricksen’s dedication to his wife. It’s her passing that pushes him to fulfill their dream and find Paradise Falls just as Charles Muntz did. It’s also this same devotion to Elli that encourages Carl to let go of his grief and forge new bonds with Russell and Dug.
Up expertly removes all cliches about true love . By telling an unlikely story about grief, Up reminds viewers that the greatest adventure we can go on is with the people we love the most .
In case you need a little reminder, here are a few movie quotes from Up that prove true love is real:
“Hi There! My name is Doug. I have just met you, and I love you.” – Dug when he first encounters Carl and Russell
“We’re on our way, Ellie.”- Carl Fredricksen
“That might sound boring, but I think the boring stuff is the stuff I remember the most.” – Russell missing his absent father
“I was hiding under your porch because I love you. Can I stay?” – Dug
“Can you stay? Well, you’re my dog, aren’t you?” – Carl Fredricksen
“You know, you don’t talk very much… I like you!” – Young Ellie to Carl before they become friends
“But I wanna help.” – Russell
“I don’t want your help, I want you safe.” – Carl Fredricksen
“But he promised he’d come to my Explorer ceremony to pin on my Assisting the Elderly badge.” – Russell about his father
“It’s just a house.” – Carl after letting go of his grief and defeating Charles Muntz
“You will always be my greatest adventure.” – Carl Fredricksen
“Russell, for assisting the elderly, and for performing above and beyond the call of duty, I would like to award you the highest honor I can bestow: The Ellie Badge.” – Carl Fredricksen expressing his gratitude to Russel for everything he’s done
17 Utterly Hilarious Quotes from Up
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Now that its target audience has grown up, the comedic timing of Ed Asner and Christopher Plummer (who voiced Carl Fredricksen and Charles Muntz, respectively) is more pungent.
Meanwhile, Dug and the other talking dogs (Alpha, Beta, and Gemma) deliver just the right amount of dopey humor to balance out the film’s more serious moments. And yes, Alpha’s high-pitched voice is still funny.
Overall, Up ’s humor hits the funny bone for both kid and adult viewers (much like The Grinch still does for us.)
Here’s a list of our favorite gags, one-liners, and stupidest jokes from Up :
“Oh, we’re in South America, all right. It was a cinch with my Wilderness Explorer GPS.” – Russell
“GP what?” – Carl Fredricksen
“My dad gave it to me; it shows exactly where we are on the planet! With this baby, we’ll never be lost!” – Russell seconds before losing the GPS
“I love you and… SQUIRREL!” – Dug after meeting Carl and Russell
“Oh! Mr. Fredricksen! If we happen to get separated, use the Wilderness Explorer call: CA – CA! RAWRRR!” – Russell
“You, in the suit… Yes, you! Take a bath, hippie!” – Carl Fredricksen yelling at construction foreman Tom
“I do not like the cone of shame.” – Dug after being reprimanded
“Hey, that one looks like a turtle! Look at that one! That one looks like a dog! AAH! It is a dog!” – Russell about Dug
“You’d better get up, Russell. Or else, the tigers will come and eat you.” – Carl
“There are no tigers in South America. Zoology .” – Russell
“I finally meet my childhood hero and he’s trying to kill us. What a joke.” – Carl Fredricksen after discovering the true intentions of his hero Charles Muntz
“Hey, I know a joke! A squirrel walks up to a tree and says, ‘I forgot to store acorns for the winter and now I am dead.’ Ha! It is funny because the squirrel gets dead!” – Dug
“Hey, let’s play a game. It’s called ‘see who can be quiet the longest.’” – Carl Fredricksen
“Cool! My mom loves that game!” – Russell
“You know, most people take a plane, but you’re smart because you’ll have all your TV and clocks and stuff.” – Russell
“Scream all you want, Small Mailman.” – Beta
“None of your mailman friends can hear you.” – Gamma
“Now, we’re gonna walk to the falls quickly and quietly with no rap music or flash dancing.” – Carl Fredricksen
“May I take your bird back to camp as my prisoner?” – Dug about Kevin
“She’s storing food for her babies.” – Dug
“Her babies! Kevin’s a girl?!” – Russell
“My master made me this collar. He is a good and smart master and he made me this collar so that I may talk — SQUIRREL!” Dug, hilariously capturing the inner dog spirit.
Top 10 Cutest Up Movie Quotes
viaPixar
While young Ellie and Carl Fredricksen are undoubtedly Disney’s most adorable couple, the film’s other characters up the cute factor by eleven.
Every goofy scene with Dug proves why dogs are man’s best friends . Meanwhile, Kevin and Russell’s dynamic is odd but sweet. And let’s not forget just about every one of Carl’s tender moments with his wife.
Check out this list of Up quotes guaranteed to make you go “aww!”:
“I like you temporarily!” – Dug
“See these? These are my Wilderness Explorer badges. You may notice one is missing. It’s my ‘assisting the elderly’ badge. If I get it, I will become a Senior Wilderness Explorer!” – Russell
“I’ll unleash all my Wilderness Explorer training.” – Russell eager to start their adventure
“Charles Muntz, explorer. When I get big, I’m going where he’s going: South America. It’s like America, but south.” – Young Ellie about Paradise Falls
“The wilderness isn’t quite what I expected… It’s wild!” – Russell after arriving in Paradise Falls with Carl
“I am a great tracker. My pack sent me on a special mission, all by myself. Have you seen a bird? I am going to find one, and I am on the scent. I am a great tracker; did I mention that?” – Dug
“I’ll meet you at the van in just a minute. I, uh, wanna say one last goodbye to the old place.” – Carl Fredricksen parting with his wife’s memory
“I found the snipe, and I followed it under your porch, but this snipe had a long tail and looked more like a large mouse.” – Dug
“I am here with the bird, and I will bring it back, and then you will like me. Oh, gotta go.” – Dug about Kevin
“Won’t you please be my prisoner? Please, please, please?!” – Dug about Kevin
Final Thoughts on the Best Up Movie Quotes
Up holds a special place in the hearts of many fans—and for good reason.
Whether it’s by telling us to cherish the “boring stuff” as Rusell puts it—or reminding us there’s always time to chase our dreams as Carl Fredricksen did, Up is the kind of movie everyone can connect with.
